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| Dear God!
where is my heart?
what has swallowed my zeal?
tell me!
did i willingly throw away devotion?!
i feel as if the me of two years ago would swear to never be found in the place i am now.
scripture would fill my thoughts daily, but now any reading seems like a neglected task.
Through the years, i am reminded of the same verse in Joel, where God beckons us towards repentance:
"Even now, declares the Lord, Return to me with all your heart! with weeping and fasting and morning. Rend your hearts, and not your garments. Return to the Lord your God, for He is gracious and compassionate."
i feel like a broken record or a predictable movie.
scene 1. i am moved by the great faithfulness of God despite unfaithfulness on my part.
scene 2. i am convicted, i spent a good deal of time in prayer and reading.
scene 3. i make commitments. i pledge devotion. i have a plan, and i am encouraged.
scene 4. i drift towards apathy as i occupy my time with lesser things.
i am ready for this movie to have a dramatic change in plot.
from predictably disappointing tragedy to a bright, lively romance.
whoa! i don't knowhow you couldforgive me!This is redemption; This is our lives washed clean. And I can see a clearing! This will all come to an end And we'll meet face to face | | |
| Recently I've had a lot running through my mind -mono being one of these things...mono and the effects thereafter...
Mono is....mono is like a shirt. Once I buy a shirt, I own it. If I were to let you borrow said shirt, I would still own it. If you were to keep that shirt, I would still own it. Regardless of circumstance or location said shirt would always be a part of my wardrobe. It would never leave my wardrobe......even if I shared it with others. In conclusion: Mono will always be mine.
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| for he chose us in him before the creation of the world to be holy and blameless in his sight.
[in accordance with his pleasure and will]
(ephesians 1)
this is beyond me.
this begs the question 'why me?'
love someone else!
can't you see i'm a lost cause?!
his answer?
But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a
people belonging to God, that you may declare the praises of him who
called you out of darkness into his wonderful light. [1 peter 2:9]
in view of his mercy, offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God;
this is your spiritual act of worship. [romans 12]
i have been received a call i don't deserve.
he calls me to worship, not just with lifted hands
but with nail pierced hands raised to Him.
"i’ve stepped over the line, the decision has been made; i’m a disciple of His.
i won’t look back, let up, slow down, back away or be still.
i’m finished
and done
with low-living
side-walking
small-planning
smooth-knees
colorless-dreams
tame-visions
worldly-talking
cheap-giving
and dwarfed-goals
my past redeemed,
my present makes sense,
my future is secure."
i guess you could call this an update to whats going through my head these days.
but! a less vague update is coming soon, so hold tight!
peace.
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| last night put another wedge in my friendship with alcohol.
disappointment? sure.
frustration? yes!
resolve? maybe.
i'll give it time.
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| something i wrote down while sitting in the prayer room:
A True Heart? what does that even look like? if my heart is not set passionately on God and his presence, does that make it a false heart? Our hearts truly come alive and find their true place in his presence. Does this mean we are selling our hearts a lie when we settle for novelty idols and other loves? i believe that our own heart can even trick itself when we starve it of a connection with God. Although it is false and dying, for survival's sake, it feeds our head the mentality that a quick fix is just around the corner.
[Everything will be just great with just "one more" or just the "right one"] (Wrong)
The heart is deceitful above all things, right? did we conveniently forget this?
Let me ask the question; If my heart is made true, does that make it loyal? will it never drift to a false hope or romance? Is it faithful to its creator, immune to forsaking its own declaration of dependence? Will it be true to the cause of falling fully into God, loosing it's own identity and being found in his?
Also, i want to know if becoming true is a process. Is there a stage where it learns to be true and faithful? or is it an instant revelation, ripping away any falsehood or disbelief? or unfaithfulness?
God. make my heart true. faithful. fulfilled. content. loved. romanced. stolen. overwhelmed. set. unwavering. holy. passionate.
I want to be true. i want to be Yours. I don't want to wander. I want to run to you
where i find rest.
make me come alive. redefine my heart.
please?
Oh, God will you make us a people that love you?
Please take our offerings that we set before you.
God hears our prayers that we're lifting up to you.
God see our tears that we're struggling to see through.
God hear our prayers! we lift them to you!
God hear our prayers! Lord, make our hearts true!
-The Glorious Unseen
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